Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
