your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
