I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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