what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
