I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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