can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
