i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
