Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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