Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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