Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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