i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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