Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
