I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
