It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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