I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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