trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
