I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize