I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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