Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
