hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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