you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
