Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
