BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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