some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
