Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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