so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
