I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
