I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well you can't waste a boner
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
