I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
