her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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