i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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