the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
