why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just invented taco cereal.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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