i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
