My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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