So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
