I've blown a few things in my day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
