3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
