Your favorite bartender is back from prision
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
