saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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