I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
