my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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