I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Your cock deserves a montage
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
