I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
