That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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