you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
