Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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