you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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