You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
