You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
