I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
