I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
