I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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