im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Two words: blizzard sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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