Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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