3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
