And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize