I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found the puke drawer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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