Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
