Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
