They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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