My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Randomize
