Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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