remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
