We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
