he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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