toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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