I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"