The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook