i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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