i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.