you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.