I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
