Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
