The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
