Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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