"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You work out of a Hotel?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
