Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
